Reclaiming Intimacy When Everything Else Comes First

There's a kind of exhaustion that doesn't make it onto a performance review. It lives in the quiet, in the space between you and your partner at the end of a long day, in the distance that builds when you're both technically present but emotionally somewhere completely else.

Maybe you've noticed it. Maybe you've been noticing it for a while.

You're not failing. But something has gone quiet in your relationship, or inside yourself, and you're not sure how to reach it anymore.

If you’ve been exploring trauma therapy, you’ve likely come across EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) and Brainspotting. Both are powerful modalities designed to help people process and release trauma. But how do they differ? And more importantly, how do you know which one is the right fit for your healing journey?

 Most couples who come to therapy aren't there because they've stopped caring about each other. They're there because the tools they have aren't working, and the same conversations keep ending the same way.

That's not a character flaw. It's a skills gap — and skills can be learned.

What follows are five approaches I use regularly in couples work, drawn from Gottman Method and Emotionally Focused Therapy frameworks. These aren't quick fixes, and they work better with clinical support than without it. But understanding them changes how you see the problem, and that's often where things begin to shift.

Kink-affirming therapy is a therapeutic approach that centers the emotional and relational well-being of individuals involved in kink, BDSM, or alternative sexualities. It does not treat kink as something to be fixed, erased, or explained away. Instead, it holds space for your experiences, challenges, and desires with deep respect and curiosity.

Self-criticism doesn’t mean you’re broken. These 6 therapist-backed reframes offer gentle, practical ways to shift your mindset—and start healing. Use them daily or during moments of doubt to nurture confidence and self-compassion.

Discover how couples in mixed-orientation marriages can thrive through honest communication, intimacy solutions, and expert-supported growth.

People come into sex therapy carrying a lot of assumptions. About what's normal. About what's wrong with them. About what therapy will involve and whether it will help. Some of those assumptions are just misinformation. Others have been quietly running the show for years, shaping what people expect from sex, from their partners, and from themselves.

Here's what I find myself saying, over and over, in my work.

There is no normal. There is only what works for you.

Identity, politics and ethics

After careful reflection on recent events within my professional community, and with a commitment to respect, inclusiveness, and ethical integrity, I have made a change. As of January 1st, 2024, I am associated with The International Association of Psychosexual Therapists™ (IAPST) as a Certified Psychosexual Therapist™, and I am also certified by the International Board of Sexuality Professionals (IBOSP) as a Certified Sex Therapist. This shift marks an important step in aligning myself with organizations that share and actively uphold the values and ethical standards I hold.

Are you a woman having anxiety attacks because your partner or spouse is approaching you about thinking of opening up your relationship?